This is a difficult post to write because it is scary to be so open sometimes, but when I have decided to write this blog I also have decided to keep it real and honest, and more than sharing experiences and adventures, I also believe that is important to share feelings… and today is a weird day for me. I pretty much been crying all day…
Now a bit of a background about me and my party love:
For those that know me, they can confirm: I have always been what is called a “social butterfly”. I have always made friends easily… I remember one good friend I met after asking the time, and another after asking to take a picture to me with my friends… oh and there is that one I met on a queue for a nightclub… and several on queues for concerts… I do like to talk and I do like to meet people. So it might not come as a surprise that as a “social butterfly”, I am a huge massive party lover. Now when you think of partying you might think of that part of getting completely pissed or doing some drugs… but na… I don’t even drink…. the reason I love to party is because, partying for me, actually means to be with my people and having fun doing something that I truly love: singing and dancing.
Is easy, I love partying because I usually go party with my besties and we always have the greatest time.
Now my birthday party, is the opportunity that I have to get ALL those besties together, put them on the same room, make sure they all get to know each other, and having the best time of our lives by subordinating the DJ (or making sure the DJ is a friend – thanks K lol) which will guarantee the best music all night long.
But there is something else.
My maternal grandma which was also my godmother, passed away when she was 43, she died on the 8th February of 1985. I turned 2 years old that day.
Unfortunately I do not remember her, but everyone tells me how special and how kind she was. It must have been very difficult for my mother to lose her mum so young and for such unfair reasons, and on top of that she passed away on a date that should be a celebration, after all I was her only child by then.
So I guess because my mum didn’t want to ruin the day, she always incentivize me to celebrate my birthday with my friends, and I have to say since I remember to be me, I have always truly celebrated my birthday. There was not even one year that I didn’t celebrate it. Until today…
It is weird why I care so much. I mean, I look at my sisters, the 3 of them, all of them younger than me, and none of them really cares about their birthdays, most of the times they skip a party and are happy with a small cake after dinner at home just for the family. We all have the same parents and have been raised exactly the same way, but still very different as I could never imagine not celebrating my birthday. More… not only I celebrate my birthday, but I do it sometimes 2 to 4 times a year. Ok, let me explain. Back in Portugal I would always have the birthday party at home for the most close family. Than I would have a big party with all my friends, usually at home as I have a party saloon, and then also would have a birthday party for my entire family (I do have a really big family).
There are a few parties that just came to mind.
- My 7th was sad, because I got my Nintendo and I remember everyone queued to play instead of actually want to be on the party room playing with balloons ahahah my mum had to literally convince people to come and sing happy birthday…. as the boys just wanted to play.
- My 18th was insane… I remember there was no room to park the cars outside my house, and I live on a looong road. There was at least 100 people.. basically the high school came to my party ahahah
- My 21st was a bit more civilised but fun as hell… Plenty of uni friends and friends from all other stages in life. Even my band came but we failed to do a performance ahahah
- But the party that people talk about even today was my 23rd. I knew it was my last birthday in Portugal, wanted to move that year to London, so I went over the top and convinced friends to come all over the world. End up being like a hospitality club/couch surf meeting and had so many friends flying to Portugal for my birthday. On top of that my entire family came, so there was over 150 people from 9 different countries. It was so much fun. And I created a game so people could speak to everyone as it was part of the socializing plan… ahhhh great memories.
As for when I moved to London, I would always have a celebration on my actual birthday day with my closest friends but then during the weekend I would have a big party where pretty much everyone would be invited. A couple of years I managed to have 2 big parties because I would eventually convince a friend or 2 to travel to London and I would then the celebration party – part 2.
7 years of crazy parties and awesome moments with the best people…. However my party last year, and OMG, it does not feel like was last year at all… felt like it was a couple of months ago … was probably one of the most special because was the last one with you all…. and I doubt I will manage to have you all someday reunited in the same room again… so yeah, turning 30 was very special indeed.
Also, one of my best friends, Rennie, has his birthday only one week apart from me, so we would do joint parties… Last night he did his party. For the first time wasn’t OUR party, and for the first time, I wasn’t there.
So after all this “background” you might understand now how difficult is being for me to spend this day far away from all my friends and family… and alone.
Basically have been thinking all day and reevaluating things…
Do I really want to be here?
Am I truly happy?
Whats the point in seeing all this special things but have no one to share them with?
How much do I really miss home?
Is home Portugal or London?
Would I finish the trip now and would go back “home” so I can be with everyone again?
Will my friends still be my friends in a couple of years?
Will my friends start to forget me as they cannot see me anymore?
What about my family? Do they miss me or care about me?
All this questions came to my mind…. and then there’s that good friend that hasn’t remember about my birthday or didn’t check his Facebook yet, or just been busy all day but you think…. “omg, they already forgot me”….
So I know they are kinda silly questions but when you have so much time in your hands and are far from your comfort zone, you do think things like this… at least I would like to believe we all do and I am not alone on this one ;p
So yeah, I pretty much have been crying all day. I know… pretty lame… I know… but it’s probably the hardest time I am having so far… and turning the tears into words always helped me… and as an open book as I am, I always end up sharing everything anyway.
But not everything is horrible… honestly I have been scared of this day for a while so I tried to plan it somehow.
First choosing a destination… As China is quite cold at the moment, I have decided I wanted to spend my birthday day somewhere hot. Now, hot I might not get it, but I have heard of the Spring City. A city that has always good weather and never gets too hot, but also never gets too cold. So here I am. At Kunming – the Spring City.
As a backpacker, I have to sleep in hostels and cheap places as you can imagine, but once in a while man, a girl needs a treat. So, what is better than booking the deluxe suite at the nicest 5 star hotel in town? I mean, if Justin Timberlake was in town, he would probably book this room right? and that is an exciting thought…. And to be fair, it was so cheap that I even booked 2 nights here ahahah gotta love China sometimes …
So I have my own huge king sized bed, have a massive living room, 2 walk in closets, a huge bathroom with a bathtub, a kitchen… 2 huge TVs and to make it more exciting, I am on the 27th floor and its a corner suite, i.e everything has a lot of natural light as the entire suit has windows…… oh and there’s an interior swimming pool – not in my suite sadly! Basically, I do not want to leave this place ever again ahahahha.
But better than the room itself is the service. I have finally found top-notch costumer service in China. You should see my face when someone rings the bell this morning, I open the door to be greeted by the lovely manager – Shadow, that came with a present in her hands… I was a bit lost as I didn’t give my address to anyone to receive a present… and then she said that yesterday when I checked in they noticed that my birthday was today so she brought me a delicious huge cake (does anyone want some? 98% of it is still there ahahah) and a calendar as a present. As you probably imagine I started crying right there and well, was a bit embarrassing, but not only I wasn’t expecting but I am way too emotional today.
But there’s more, while I had lunch met another lovely staff of the hotel, her name was Sunny and she was lovely. We actually spoke a lot. When I ordered room service for dinner she brought me the food with presents: a beautiful key ring, gorgeous earrings and chocolates and named me the “smiley girl” oh well, I couldn’t stop smiling even tho I might be called the “crying girl” as I did cry a lot too, I was so touched by her gesture… I mean, she even got the chocolates herself, is not like they belonged to the hotel… so touching to meet such nice people like them, that went an extra mile to make me, a stranger, to feel good and special on her birthday.
So thanks a LOT Kai Wha Plaza Hotel… you really made my day. Now I feel like winning the lottery to start traveling this way ahahahah
Also had a swim, a massage, a pedicure and had a few naps and bubble baths in between….. what? gotta enjoy the luxury life as tomorrow it’s just me and my backpack back to the reality :p
But more important today, was to read all your messages and wishes…. seriously, been avoiding to go to Facebook or check my email or whatsapp for the day (the internet is shocking – so bad) but because every time I read something I just burst out into tears (Oh gosh, I think I will regret this post as it proves the over emotionally pathetic person I became lol) Now seriously, I did have read most of it, and I will answer accordingly to each one of you as soon as I have decent internet…. and it really touched me… some of you were just amazing and there are no words to express how important you are in my life and how grateful I am to know you and have you as a friend or part of the family.
And Rafaela, a true friend that is like a sister to me, THANK you. Your present made me laugh and cry non stopping and I even feel bad you put so much effort and work on it when you are “only” the busiest person I know. I love you!
oh ok, for the curious: smile
So even tho it was a different day, as I didn’t celebrate my birthday and I spent the day alone, at the end you were all here, and THANK YOU so much for that. I will save the occasion to have a big party sometime soon (well, just waiting for your visit) but basically I just want to remind you that I love you and no matter when and where in the world I am, you are all a big part of me and who I am, and I wouldn’t be here or be the person I am today if wasn’t for you so once again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and I love you!!!!
I want to apologise for such narcissistic post, and for those that read and are like…. hermm why do I care about this…. well, writing is one of the best therapies to me and is good to be able to take it out of my chest as they say, plus I also want to make sure my family and friends know how much they are being missed and how difficult it is to be on my own – however, that makes me realise (even more) how important they are to me and that I love them very much….
Much love to all,
Emma, the birthday girl 🙂